


Drop A Heart, Break A Name

by zoraspot



Category: Homestuck
Genre: (regular karkat in the second chapter), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Morning After Conversations, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, General drug discussions that kind of come along with trickster mode, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Perceived Unrequited Love, Trickster Karkat - Freeform, Trickster Mode, a lot of sappy stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:01:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24621292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoraspot/pseuds/zoraspot
Summary: “you don’t know what’s coming out of your mouth-you can’t know right now-you don’t actually feel that way-it’s just the drugs....right?”————Karkat confesses to Dave while in trickster mode, Dave is in denial, angst ensues.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 14
Kudos: 100





	1. You Couldn’t Love Me-

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This was a rp that Honeystrawberri and I did. Most of it is dialogue, with some more regular paragraph writing, think aaalmost kind of epilogue style.  
> The second chapter has a lot more paragraph style writing.

DAVE: hey what’s,,, up with you 

DAVE: you feelin alright? 

KARKAT:: HEY, DAVE!! 🍭

KARKAT: OF COURSE I'M FEELING ALRIGHT! 🍭

KARKAT: I'M FEELING GREAT, ACTUALLY! 🍭

DAVE: damn really? 

DAVE: i’ve never heard you this enthusiastic before 

KARKAT: I'M FEELING AMAZING!! 🍭

KARKAT: AND I THINK I HAVE EVERY REASON TO BE ENTHUSIASTIC! 🍭

DAVE: oh really? why’s that 

KARKAT: BECAUSE I'M TALKING WITH YOU! 🍭

DAVE: i- hah- i- thanks?

KARKAT: NO NEED TO THANK ME, DAVE, IT'S JUST THE TRUTH! 🍭

DAVE: o-oh. damn. heh. you really know how to make a southern damsel swoon haha 

DAVE: and with no 

DAVE: horses or 

DAVE: pickup trucks or anything 

KARKAT: NOPE, IT'S JUST ME! 🍭

KARKAT: ME AND YOU! 🍭

KARKAT: ISN'T THAT GREAT! 🍭

DAVE: i guess it sure is haha 

DAVE: so.... candy corn huh? 

DAVE: new look? 

DAVE: has my teasing about your horns finally sunk in enough 

DAVE: so you took it to heart 

DAVE: how sweet, karkat 

KARKAT: I DO THINK IT'S SWEET, ACTUALLY! 🍭

KARKAT: BUT, YES, I'VE GOT A NEW LOOK! 🍭

KARKAT: A WHOLE NEW PERSPECTIVE! 🍭

KARKAT: AND YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT I THINK? 🍭

DAVE: what? 

KARKAT: THAT IS SHOULD BE 'ME AND YOU' FOREVER! 🍭

Dave’s eyes widen and he wheezes, his blush much darker than before.

DAVE: ah- 

DAVE: uh- 

DAVE: ahah- 

DAVE: really? 

DAVE: i mean 

DAVE: fuck 

DAVE: haha 

DAVE: damn 

DAVE: what brought this on so suddenly 

KARKAT: LIKE YOU SAID, I GOT A NEW LOOK! 🍭

KARKAT: ON LIFE TOO! 🍭

KARKAT: AND I JUST WANT TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST WITH YOU 🍭

KARKAT: NO HOLD UPS, BLOCKS, NOTHING!! 🍭

DAVE: oh no 

DAVE: did you 

DAVE: oh fuck 

DAVE: did 

DAVE: did you get some of that same shit from rose and kanaya’s wedding 

DAVE: where the fuck did you find it? 

DAVE: or don’t answer that shit 

DAVE: man i don’t fucking remember anything from when i did that just 

DAVE: karkat 

DAVE: dude 

DAVE: you’re gonna have such a massive hangover 

DAVE: are you alright right now? 

DAVE: fuck 

DAVE: uh 

DAVE: maybe sit down? 

DAVE: fuck i don’t know 

DAVE: i’m not panicking striders don’t panic haha 

KARKAT: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN!! IT'S ALL FINE RIGHT NOW! 🍭

KARKAT: IT'S PERFECT RIGHT NOW! 🍭

KARKAT: YOU'RE PERFECT! 🍭

DAVE: karkat no it’s not you’re all drugged up right now and- 

DAVE: i’m- 

DAVE: i’m- 

DAVE: i can’t handle this 

DAVE: karkat you’re too fucked up right now to know what you’re saying 

DAVE: please 

DAVE: you’re just kidding with me just pulling my leg haha 

DAVE: you can’t 

DAVE: also 

DAVE: just 

DAVE: fuck 

DAVE: no 

DAVE: we’re getting you some water 

KARKAT: WHAT, ARE YOU SAYING YOU DON'T LOVE ME? 🍭

KARKAT: I'M NOT JOKING OR PULLING YOUR LEG! 🍭

KARKAT: I TOLD YOU, I'M BEING HONEST!! 🍭

Dave stops for a moment and almost looks heartbroken at Karkat’s first question.

DAVE: i- 

DAVE: fuck this isn’t the time or place for this 

DAVE: you   
DAVE: you’re literally not in your own head right now 

DAVE: you 

DAVE: you’re just 

DAVE: pulling another joke on me yeah haha 

DAVE: you’re not 

DAVE: you don’t 

DAVE: you can’t- 

DAVE: fuck 

DAVE: karkat 

DAVE: please 

DAVE: you don’t know what’s coming out of your mouth you can’t know right now 

DAVE: you don’t actually feel that way 

DAVE: it’s just the drugs 

DAVE: right? 

DAVE: or 

DAVE: fuck don’t answer that 

KARKAT: I'M TELLING YOU!! I'M BEING HONEST! 🍭

KARKAT: DO YOU NOT BELIEVE ME? 🍭

DAVE: i- 

KARKAT: I LOVE YOU, DAVE! 🍭

KARKAT: DO YOU NOT LOVE ME BACK? 🍭

KARKAT: YOU CAN TELL ME. 🍭

KARKAT: I PROMISE 🍭

KARKAT: I CAN KEEP A SECRET! 🍭  


Dave chokes around hearing karkat’s words, and a few tears start falling.

DAVE: you don’t love me, you don’t, you could never 

DAVE: and 

DAVE: fuck   
DAVE: ...

DAVE: can you keep a secret? 

DAVE: i know you won’t remember any of this later 

KARKAT: OF COURSE I CAN KEEP A SECRET, I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOU, DAVE!   


KARKAT: I KNOW IT NEVER SEEMS LIKE IT, BUT I LOVE YOU! 🍭

KARKAT: EVERYTHING'S SO MUDDLED UP 🍭

KARKAT: QUADRANTS, SELF HATE, BUT I DO LOVE YOU!! 🍭

KARKAT: AND I CAN SAY IT NOW! 🍭

KARKAT: I COULD TELL YOU ALL THE TIME HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU 🍭

KARKAT: BUT IT'S OKAY IF YOU DON'T LOVE ME BACK. 🍭

DAVE: ok just- 

DAVE: fuck here it goes 

DAVE: get ready for a whole truckload of my absolute bullshit 

DAVE: i...

DAVE: i love you- i’ve loved you for way too fucking long- ever since we were on the meteor and you would drag me to watch your shitty rom coms, i’d piss you off about them, we’d go to can town and play with the mayor- fuck i love the mayor i miss that dude- we’d just run around being the feral teenagers we were- 

DAVE: and just- 

DAVE: i’d look at you 

DAVE: and it just 

DAVE: feels like 

DAVE: home? 

DAVE: fuck that’s so fucking cheesy 

DAVE: you’d absolutely rip me a new one for that 

DAVE: haha 

DAVE: i 

DAVE: i do love you 

DAVE: i love you way too much and i know you could never actually really love me back 

DAVE: how i’d pretend to fall asleep during movies and you’d rest your hands on me 

DAVE: i feel almost like a creep for doing that 

DAVE: and when you smile sometimes? 

DAVE: god 

DAVE: just 

DAVE: all my internal organs do thousands of acrobatics they’re totally not trained to do 

DAVE: when you’re sad over a romcom or actually emotionally torn up i just 

DAVE: fucking want to hold you 

DAVE: i want to run my hand through your hair and tell you you’re gonna be fine 

DAVE: i want to fucking...

DAVE: kiss your forehead and shit 

DAVE: maybe your mouth idk dude 

DAVE: i want to hold you and love you but i also want to smack you with a frying pan y’know 

DAVE: you know i don’t give a shit about the quadrants 

DAVE: i would be fine with putting you in any of the, 

DAVE: but 

DAVE: i can’t exactly do that 

DAVE: and 

DAVE: i don’t think you can either 

DAVE: i want you in all of them 

DAVE: i want you in ever way 

DAVE: i 

DAVE: i want *you* 

DAVE: fuck-   


Dave’s words are choked off by a wet sob.

DAVE: and you’re too drugged up to even know what you’re telling me 

DAVE: please please just fucking tell me you’re lying   


Karkat takes a little step closer, wrapping his arms around him.

KARKAT: DAVE, I NEVER WANT TO LIE TO YOU. 🍭

KARKAT: I PROMISE I'M NOT LYING! 🍭

KARKAT: I LOVE YOU LIKE THAT TOO 🍭

KARKAT: EVERY WAY. 🍭

KARKAT: PITCH, FLUSH, PALE, EVERYTHING 🍭

KARKAT: BUT IT ALL GETS SO STUPIDLY MUDDLED IN MY STUPID THINKPAN THAT I CAN'T SAYIT! 🍭

KARKAT: BUT I CAN NOW. 🍭  


Dave fully wraps his arms around Karkat, squeezing hard, clutching his sweater, and crying even harder into his neck. He was hugged tightly back.

KARKAT: I WOULDN'T EVER LIE TO YOU 🍭

DAVE: i- 

DAVE: i guess that’s true 

DAVE: i almost feel like this is the part where i kiss you or something but, i’ll be honest i don’t want to get all tricksterfied right now 

KARKAT: I REALLY WANT TO KISS YOU 🍭

KARKAT: WE SHOULD! 🍭

DAVE: no- 

DAVE: please just 

DAVE: listen to me on this 

DAVE: even if we did 

DAVE: even if you do love me 

DAVE: i 

DAVE: i wouldn’t want you to not be able to remember it? 

DAVE: the kiss 

DAVE: ha 

KARKAT: BUT I DO LOVE YOU!! 🍭

KARKAT: I TOLD YOU THAT, DON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?? 🍭

KARKAT: I'LL KEEP TELLING YOU! 🍭

KARKAT: BECAUSE I CAN NOW! 🍭

KARKAT: I CAN SAY ANYTHING, EVERYTHING! 🍭

KARKAT: I COULD MAKE EVERYTHING PERFECT 🍭

Dave raises a very shaky hand to cup Karkat’s face.  
DAVE: i sure wish you could....

DAVE: just, karkat 

DAVE: you’re way too intoxicated 

DAVE: you 

DAVE: fuck 

DAVE: you could say anything like this 

DAVE: absolutely anything 

DAVE: i couldn’t even give you one fucking good reason for you to love me 

KARKAT: I DON'T NEED A FUCKING REASON TO LOVE YOU! 🍭

KARKAT: IT'S LOVE!! 🍭

KARKAT: AND IT'S ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU, THAT'S THE REASON! 🍭

KARKAT: THERE'S A MILLION! 🍭

KARKAT: AND ALL OF IT MAKES ME LOVE YOU A THOUSAND TIMES MORE! 🍭

KARKAT: I WANT TO KEEP YOU CLOSE, AND KEEP YOU SAFE, EVEN THOUGH YOU DRIVE ME UP THEWALL IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE! 🍭

KARKAT: I'LL ALWAYS WANT YOU 🍭

Dave drops his hand on Karkat’s face and lets it fall to his chest, clutching the fabric there. He takes a very deep breath in to try to steady himself emotionally.   


DAVE: i- fuck i’ll just accept you saying this to me 

DAVE: it’s not like i’ve wanted to hear that for years or anything haha

DAVE: i still think 

DAVE: you’re too out of it to know what you’re feeling 

DAVE: but 

DAVE: fuck 

DAVE: just at least let me pretend 

KARKAT: I KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING! 🍭

KARKAT: I SAID I LOVE YOU, DAVE! 🍭

KARKAT: I HAVE, I JUST ALWAYS THOUGHT IT WAS PITCH! 🍭

KARKAT: I WANTED YOU TO HATE ME, SO WE'D BE ABLE TO BE THAT!! 🍭

KARKAT: BUT IT NEVER WAS JUST PITCH! 🍭

KARKAT: IT WAS FLUSH AND PALE, AND I DIDN'T WANT TO ACCEPT IT BECAUSE IT SEEMED WRONG🍭

KARKAT: LIKE IT WAS SOMETHING ELSE ABOUT ME THAT WAS FUCKED UP 🍭

KARKAT: I NEVER WANTED TO ADMIT IT 🍭

KARKAT: BUT I CAN NOW! 🍭

KARKAT: YOU DON'T NEED TO PRETEND ANYTHING! 🍭

KARKAT: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THAT IT HURTS SOMETIMES! 🍭

KARKAT: LIKE MY BLOODPUSHER WANTS TO EXPLODE EVERY TIME YOU SMILE 🍭

KARKAT: OR WHEN WE'D MESS WITH EACH OTHER 🍭

KARKAT: AND I'D MISS YOU SO MUCH I THOUGHT I'D CRY 🍭

KARKAT: I PROMISE, I CAN MAKE EVERYTHING PERFECT NOW! 🍭

KARKAT: PLEASE, LET ME KISS YOU? 🍭

DAVE: fuck- karkat- no- 

DAVE: just 

DAVE: let me take you home? 

DAVE: we can, talk about this in the morning maybe? 

KARKAT: WE CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT IN THE MORNING, YOU NEED TO KNOW NOW! 🍭

KARKAT: I WON'T BE ABLE TO TALK LIKE THIS IN THE MORNING... 🍭

DAVE: i do know, i know right now but i 

DAVE: i need to know if you still feel this *not now* 

DAVE: could 

DAVE: could you try? 

DAVE: try being able to 

DAVE: be open 

DAVE: for me?

DAVE: please.... 

KARKAT: I CAN'T, MY STUPID THINKPAN GETS IN THE WAY 🍭

KARKAT: BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER! 🍭

KARKAT: IT'S FINE NOW!! 🍭

DAVE: ok... 

DAVE: do 

DAVE: do you still want me to carry you home like usual 

KARKAT: WE DON'T NEED TO GO HOME... 🍭

KARKAT: I WANT TO STAY 🍭

DAVE: karkat you have to sleep this off 

DAVE: you don’t 

DAVE: do you want me to feel like this forever 

DAVE: like 

DAVE: like i don’t know what to believe 

DAVE: i feel fucking torn apart i don’t want to let myself hope that you 

DAVE: fuck 

DAVE: can we please go 

KARKAT: ...I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT TO YOU... 🍭

KARKAT: OKAY.. 🍭

DAVE: thank you 

He lets Karkat attach himself to Dave, and he flies them off towards their house-combo-hive. The journey is silent, and Dave doesn’t know whether he should be thankful or sad about that. Once they get to their door, he slides Karkat off, unlocks it, and steps inside. With a sudden overcoming feeling of bravery, he takes Karkat’s hand, leading the troll to his respective room. He opens the door, tugs Karkat in, and carefully closes it. After bringing Karkat to his bed, he cups his face and lets his gaze linger on Karkat for a little too long. 

  
DAVE: so.... goodnight 

He says that very hesitantly. why? He has nothing left to do or say. Why does he not want to leave?  


Karkat went along with Dave fairly quietly, looking strangely sad for most of it. Even his sugar-coated happy attitude didn't seem to be on his side with the sullen silence he fell into. And he didn't say anything about Dave leading him to his room. But once he was sitting down on his bed, he looked up at Dave, holding onto his hand tighter.  
KARKAT: ...PLEASE... STAY? 🍭

Dave’s breath caught in his throat, emotions threatening to bubble out.   
DAVE: sure- 

He can only choke out the word. Removing his glasses, he sighed and set them down on the nightstand. He sits on the bed next to Karkat, a bit too rigidly. Karkat sat back carefully, pulling his legs onto the bed and pausing a moment before laying down. He gave Dave a gentle smile.

KARKAT: YOU DON'T NEED TO BE TENSE.. 🍭

DAVE: i- sorry. 

He stays completely still for a split second too long before flopping down next to him. He breathes in, then pushes the breath out as he curls into Karkat’s side, nuzzling into his chest. His arm snakes across Karkat’s torso to cling at him.

DAVE: i don’t know why you haven’t left me by now 

DAVE: fuck i’m basically just fucking using you right now

DAVE: just 

DAVE: for my own emotional satisfaction 

DAVE: i 

DAVE: i’m sorry 

Despite his mind screaming at him to leave the room, to leave Karkat alone, he can’t bring himself to let go.

Karkat gently hugged Dave as well, letting himself relax much quicker than he would have otherwise.

KARKAT: WHY WOULD I LEAVE YOU? 🍭

KARKAT: I TOLD YOU, SILLY, I LOVE YOU. 🍭

DAVE: i’m just a fucked up shattered excuse for a person 

DAVE: i can’t see anything that you see in me 

DAVE: just 

DAVE: fuck let’s go to sleep 

DAVE: you’ll feel better in the morning 

DAVE: and probably scream and kick me out of your bed 

DAVE: and life 

DAVE: fuck 

DAVE: fuck maybe i should just go 

KARKAT: NO! NO, PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME! 🍭

KARKAT: I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SLEEP, PLEASE 🍭

KARKAT: I JUST WANT TO STAY HERE. 🍭

KARKAT: LIKE THIS, WITH YOU! 🍭

KARKAT: PLEASE 🍭

Dave couldn’t stand the look of hurt on Karkat’s face, and sighed. 

DAVE: even if you don’t go to sleep, i am 

DAVE: ok? 

DAVE: .... 

DAVE: goodnight, karkat 

KARKAT: OKAY, THAT'S OKAY. 🍭

KARKAT: GOODNIGHT, DAVE.. 🍭

Dave snuggled deeper into Karkat, closed his eyes, and let himself slip off. Karkat held onto Dave tightly, trying extremely hard not to fall asleep at all, but he didn’t manage for very long. Soon enough, he was asleep.


	2. -Could You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE IT IS. FINALLY. I’M SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT.

Morning sun streamed in from the window, leaving lines of light on Dave's face. He squinted against it, and tried to get some assessment of his surroundings without opening his eyes. This did not smell or feel like his room, and there was- oh fuck. Last night’s memories came rushing back to him. He had half a thought to get out of bed and run to another room, but that would wake Karkat up. Shit. Left with no other option, he continued to lay still, dreading the moment when Karkat wakes up, and probably asks him to get the fuck out of his life. 

After last night, Karkat looked absolutely exhausted, but at least he was back to himself. And he was still somewhat holding onto Dave, albeit much more loosely than he was when they'd fallen asleep. But, unfortunately for both of them, it wasn't long before he started waking up, squinting at the light and the headache that was forming before he shoved his face in his pillow, letting go of Dave completely. 

Dave drew his arms back tight to his chest when Karkat let go of him, not even daring to breathe. His gaze wandered over Karkat’s form. His bright candy clothes turned back to his regular attire. He just looked... normal again. Fuck, that should not do as much to Dave’s heart as it does. 

Trying to think back to whatever happened last night, Karkat could only really remember having the candy. Anything else and his head throbbed even worse. Lifting his head a little, he pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes, willing it to work less. Of course, that didn't work so he sat up slowly, his intention to go get some water and get the sickly sweet taste out of his mouth. Instead, he saw Dave and his eyes widened, suddenly horrified with the thought of what might have happened. 

Dave’s already wide eyes met Karkat’s, and he opened then snapped shut his mouth. he furrowed his eyebrows, lifted them, and opened his mouth again. 

DAVE: don’t worry- we didn’t have sex 

Dave’s hand instantly met his face at high speeds with a loud slap noise. Why the fuck was that the first thing he said. great job, Dave. Fantastic amazing job. 

Karkat pulls his knees up to his chest, protective and tense. 

KARKAT: What the fuck are you doing in my bed then?!   


Karkat nearly snarls, though his face was quickly taken over by a light blush. 

KARKAT: Is that seriously the first thing that comes to your mind?! What the fuck!   


DAVE: i know- i know- i’m sorry. you know my fucking brain of course that’s the first thing i said 

DAVE: i 

DAVE: well 

DAVE: uh 

DAVE: you asked me to stay? 

DAVE: a lot happened last night 

KARKAT: How much.   


DAVE: well 

DAVE: *do* you remember any of it? 

KARKAT: I have no fucking clue what happened! Wait- it was that goddamn candy, wasn't it?!   


He buried his face in his hands, groaning. 

KARKAT: So this is my fault?!   


KARKAT: Past me is a fucking idiot   


DAVE: yeah... 

DAVE: it was the candy 

DAVE: so 

DAVE: i’m assuming you don’t remember it 

DAVE: last night 

Karkat froze up almost immediately, glaring at him. 

KARKAT: No, I don't remember anything.   


KARKAT: What the hell happened?!   


DAVE: ah 

DAVE: well 

Dave pulls himself into a sitting position, and runs a hand down his face. 

DAVE: alright-

DAVE: basically, you came up to me all neon candy corn jazzed up 

DAVE: and was like 

DAVE: hey i’m fucking amazing everything is awesome 

DAVE: you know what else is awesome? 

DAVE: ~you~ 

DAVE: and 

DAVE: you get all sappy mushy shit 

DAVE: and i’m like yo karkles you’re all drugged up just sit down or somthin 

DAVE: you don’t know what you’re saying 

DAVE: and 

DAVE: you- 

DAVE: ... 

His voice threatens to break. 

DAVE: you told me you love me? 

DAVE: .... 

DAVE: so 

DAVE: uh 

DAVE: of course i was like 

DAVE: haha no way man 

DAVE: of course you don’t it’s just the candy drugs 

DAVE: you don’t actually love me 

DAVE: you’re just trying to get a laugh out of me or some shit 

DAVE: like one of egbert’s jokes but so much more emotionally charged 

DAVE: like shit let’s play with this dude’s heart and throw him around in a blender 

DAVE: and you kept insisting it 

DAVE: and i’m like no 

DAVE: you’re literally out of your mind 

DAVE: you 

DAVE: you don’t know what you’re saying 

DAVE: you don’t love me right? 

DAVE: right? 

Through the whole explanation, Karkat's just staring at him, looking mildly horrified with all of it. But he looked away quickly, wondering if it was so bad that even Dave would deny that it would ever happen. So, while he felt like he might cry, he just shook his head, refusing to look over. 

KARKAT: ...No.   


KARKAT: I don't.   


KARKAT: Get the fuck out of my room.   


His voice was a little shaky, but more hurt than angry. 

DAVE: oh 

DAVE: i- 

DAVE: ok, 

He carefully slides his way out of Karkat’s bed, picking up his shades as he goes, power-walking straight out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. He pours a glass of water for himself and taps the edge of the glass. He takes a sip, his mouth is so dry it tastes disgusting. He forces himself to swallow it and it feels completely rancid in his stomach. He shakily sets the glass down, slides to the floor, and begins to sob into his folded arms. 

Karkat stays still for a minute after Dave leaves, then gets up and slams the door, pressing his back to it as he took a breath he didn't know he was holding. Tears roll down his face silently as he sinks to the ground, tired, hurting, and feeling incredibly heart broken. He hugs his legs to his chest, stifling quiet sobs, wishing that he didn't have to remember this either. 

Dave hears the door slam, and jumps a bit. Karkat’s pissed. Of course he is, he deserves to be. Dave fucking slept in his bed without his actual, sober consent, and fucking stayed with him- even fucking cuddled with him. All night. He shouldn’t go back. He should just pack up a bag and leave. He doesn’t deserve to be here, to be here with Karkat. He deserves so much better than his sorry excuse for an existence. He just needs to go to his room, grab some clothes, maybe some knick-knacks, and, fuck, maybe go to Roxy’s place? Yeah. Sounds like a plan. He ends up instead filling a new glass and bringing it to karkat’s door. What the fuck is he doing, he shouldn’t be doing this, Karkat already hates him enough. Karkat hates him. he *hates* him and not in the fun way. Why is he even- Dave knocks on his door and speaks through thick tears 

DAVE: i’m so sorry 

No response. 

DAVE: ... 

DAVE: i brought you some water 

DAVE: i’ll leave now 

DAVE: you don’t need me in your life anymore 

DAVE: i’m so sorry i fucked this up 

DAVE: i’m so fucking sorry 

DAVE: i 

Dave's emotions are too thick in his throat for him to speak anymore, so he slides down against the wall and sits facing Karkat’s door. 

The knocking on his door made Karkat flinch a little, letting out a little sob before he stifled it in his hand. Moving away from the door, he stared at it, a hand over his mouth, nails almost digging into his cheek as he tried to stop himself from actually sobbing. Or, at least stop Dave from hearing how pathetic he was. It took him a minute, but he finally decided his voice was steady enough. 

KARKAT: ...look, -I   


KARKAT: I-I'm sorry for what I did or said. I shouldn't... have put you through that bullshit.   


KARKAT: ....we can forget about it.   


KARKAT: Hell, I-I don't... even know what I did..   


DAVE: fuck, karkat you didn’t- mess anything up 

DAVE: we can forget about it, if you want, but 

DAVE: i, fuck 

DAVE: i don’t know if i want to forget about it? 

DAVE: this is so fucking stupid i don’t know why i’m still talking or why i’m still here 

DAVE: i 

DAVE: i care about you way too fucking much 

DAVE: more than i probably should 

DAVE: fuck, if we’re going to have this conversation can we please not have it through a closed door 

KARKAT: Clearly I messed something up, since it's such a fucking joke to you!!   


He let out another little sob before biting down on his lip to shut himself up. Backing against the wall of his room, he hugged his knees again. 

KARKAT: I-it doesn't fucking matter... j-just leave me alone.   


He managed to mumble the words out before burying his face in his arms and sobbing softly into them. 

DAVE: a joke? a *joke?* karkat- karkat, fuck. 

He stood up and patted his open hand against the door a few times. 

DAVE: you told me you loved me when you were all drugged up and of course that’s going to completely throw me off 

DAVE: and i told you that you said that 

DAVE: and i wanted to know if you meant it 

DAVE: and 

DAVE: you said you didn't 

DAVE: so i guess that answers that 

DAVE: but 

DAVE: fuck i dont think this is a joke in any way 

DAVE: this is way too much to just be a joke 

DAVE: even if you don't love me just 

DAVE: fuck 

DAVE: i don’t know you can ignore me you probably fucking hate me 

DAVE: i’ll just leave 

DAVE: i’ll just, grab a bag and go live with roxy or something 

DAVE: i’m so fucking sorry for messing this up 

DAVE: messing us up? 

DAVE: fuck 

DAVE: i 

DAVE: i’ll go now 

Karkat was completely still for a moment, sure that he had messed this up for good. And even though he was sobbing harder now, he managed to sniffle out a soft "no" before he even managed to get his voice back. 

KARKAT: n-no, I'm sorry, it's my fault f-for the fucking candy and everything.   


KARKAT: You d-don't need to leave. I... I'm sorry. I d-didn't know what I said, b-but I don't want things to be like... th-this.   


KARKAT: It's my fault, you shouldn't be the one leaving! I had the fucking candy, I said... wh-whatever the hell I did!   


KARKAT: If anything, I should be the one going. I-I will, if that would make it even the smallest b-bit better.   


DAVE: NO- no- karkat you don’t need to leave that’s the last thing you need to do 

DAVE: you know what you said don’t even fucking pretend you didn’t i’ve told you a few times now 

DAVE: just 

DAVE: fuck 

DAVE: i 

DAVE: fuck it, if i’ve already ruined this just 

DAVE: i love you 

DAVE: fuck 

DAVE: i fucking love you 

DAVE: i love you way too much and i feel like my fucking soul is being ripped apart 

DAVE: i’ve loved you since we were what, 15? 16? 

DAVE: i 

DAVE: fuck 

DAVE: i love you too much and i almost don’t want to 

DAVE: but 

DAVE: i- 

DAVE: i, 

DAVE: i didn't think you would ever love me back 

DAVE: you were trying so fucking hard to convince me that you 

DAVE: that you 

DAVE: also do 

DAVE: i, 

DAVE: i didn’t believe it 

DAVE: the universe has put us through so much bullshit why the fuck would it allow you to love me as well 

DAVE: i *love* you- 

DAVE: and i understand that you don’t- 

DAVE: love me the same, 

DAVE: so, 

DAVE: fuck-

He broke back into tears, and lowered himself to the ground again. 

Karkat finally moved towards the door again, opening it to look at Dave and sitting back on his legs. His eyes were wide, still full of tears, but he just stared at him for a moment before finally choking out his words, 

KARKAT: Y-you... love me?   


Meeting karkat’s eyes again made Dave feel like he was shattering and being rebuilt all at once. 

DAVE: of course i do 

DAVE: oh karkat, of course i do-

He broke the eye contact to rub at his face, returning into the safety of his own arms to cry in. 

Karkat quickly moved closer, pausing a moment before wrapping his arms around Dave. 

KARKAT: sh-shit, I-I'm sorry, don't cry...   


KARKAT: I-I said I didn't because... I... thought you thought it was just a joke.   


KARKAT: I thouhgt it was because... you'd never actually love me, so it was fucking ridiculous to even think...   


KARKAT: I'm so sorry, Dave... I'm sorry, I... I-I do..   


KARKAT: I-I love you too..   


Dave inhaled sharply at karkat’s arms wrapping around him, and then immediately melted into him. He let himself drain out all the emotions he was holding inside, listening to karkat. He- he loves you too? What? *What?* he wiped his face with the back of his sleeve and turned to look at karkat’s face. 

DAVE: you do? 

DAVE: and 

DAVE: fuck karkat i know we mess around a lot but i could never take your actual feelings as a joke that’s a dick move that not even i’m below doing 

KARKAT: I-I know, I know it's fucking terrible, I just... people say weird shit when on that stuff, right..? I.. thought you only saw it as a joke... I-I didn't want to admit that's... how I really felt. I... didn't want you to feel bad for not.. n-not returning the feelings.   


DAVE: i... i can understand that 

DAVE: but, hey 

DAVE: i 

DAVE: i do 

Dave broke into tears again. Why the tears, dude. It’s time to be happy not fucking crying time get your shit together. 

DAVE: i do return the feelings 

He sniffled out a weak laugh 

DAVE: i love you-

Karkat held onto him tighter, feeling terrible again as Dave broke into tears. 

KARKAT: shit, I'm sorry, don't cry, p-please..   


KARKAT: I-I love you too, d-don't cry...   


DAVE: i- shit dude 

He tried sniffing back his tears. He clutched onto the feeling of Karkat holding him tight, it was nice, grounding. he let out a sigh, feeling his onslaught of tears slowly coming to an end. 

DAVE: these past, not even 24 hours have been enough emotions for the rest of my life damn. 

He softly cupped his hand on karkat’s cheek, wiping away the stray tears with his thumb. 

KARKAT: I'm sorry, I-I'm really fucking sorry. I don't want to hurt you, and I can't even fucking remember what I did...   


He sniffled softly, hugging Dave tighter, leaning gently into his hand. 

KARKAT: fuck. I-I love you, Dave. I'm sorry I pretended that I didn't...   


DAVE: hey- at least you actually do love me haha 

Dave smiled and sighed, reflecting on the whole series of events that brought him to this moment, this distinct moment of time where he’s held in karkat’s arms. this moment where he’s safe and *loved.* damn who coulda thought. 

DAVE: hey wack question you can totally say no but can i kiss you? 

Karkat paused for a moment, giving him a little bit of a smile back, almost just wanting to collapse into Dave's arms, his head still pounding. The question made his whole face darken with a blush. 

KARKAT: y-yes. Definitely.   


DAVE: sweet. 

He paused for a second, keeping his hand still on Karkat’s cheek. He then moved it a bit backwards to cup a bit better around his head, and brought him in. Tilting his head just a slight bit to comfortably fit his face on Karkat’s. their lips were almost uncomfortably wet from the amount of tears that were spilled that morning, it was a bit of an awkward position on the ground, but despite those things Dave wouldn’t trade this moment for anything in the universe. He petted his hand against the side of karkat’s face, and pressed in harder, almost as if the second he let go, Karkat would simply vanish into thin air. 

The little bit of a pause was enough time for a million worried to pop into Karkat’s head, almost making him want to deny it suddenly. But once their lips were actually together, he almost melted into it, closing his eyes and grabbing onto Dave's shirt gently. He was still vaguely aware that his own mouth still tasted of the candy, but he couldn't care enough, since it was a dream come true to be like this. Though the whole situation made it too real that it wasn't a dream, from the tears on both of their faces to his own hand clenching onto the shirt like it would keep him safe. 

Dave slowly pulled back, and rested his forehead to Karkat’s. 

DAVE: hehe 

DAVE: we did that 

DAVE: haha 

DAVE: omg 

DAVE: karkat you love me 

DAVE: like you legit love me 

DAVE: holy shit 

He pushed his face back to fully look at Karkat, his mind clearer now. 

DAVE: wow 

DAVE: so what does this mean now 

DAVE: do you want to do this again? 

DAVE: like kiss me and shit? 

DAVE: fuck 

DAVE: hm 

DAVE: uh 

DAVE: well i guess if you love me and i love you-

DAVE: uhh do you want to consider being boyfriends? 

DAVE: i honestly don’t think y’all have a quadrant for whatever the fuck we have going on 

DAVE: i think my human version might work? 

DAVE: unless you don’t want to i’m fine with whatever 

DAVE: i just 

DAVE: want you 

DAVE: fuck that’s so cheesy karkat what are you doing to me i’m going to be like 

DAVE: a whole ass maple tree or something 

DAVE: completely filled with sap n goey stuff 

DAVE: i’ve been infected 

KARKAT: Fuck you, you're being sappy all on your own.   


He huffed, though it was jokingly. 

DAVE: hehe 

KARKAT: But... if you want, we could use the human term..   


KARKAT: There isn't really... a quadrant..   


KARKAT: But. Maybe that's better?   


KARKAT: Fuck, I don't know..   


DAVE: maybe we can just 

DAVE: be us? 

KARKAT: Yeah, I guess so..   


DAVE: we don’t even have to stick any label shit to it 

DAVE: i want to be with you in any way shape or form 

DAVE: as long as it’s, you 

DAVE: and me 

DAVE: together? 

KARKAT: You and me... together.   


KARKAT: Fuck, that sounds nice.   


KARKAT: I... I don't care what we call it.   


KARKAT: I... love you, Dave,   


KARKAT: Every fucking way I can.   


KARKAT: And I can't imagine loving anyone else..   


DAVE: damn, karkat- you’re going to make me cry again haha 

DAVE: i love you too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had completely 100% forgotten about this fic for months and I suddenly just remembered it haha  
> I avoided doing the second chapter because formatting’s a bitch but hey! Here we are! Thank y’all so much for the sweet comments

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 2 is already written and everything, it’ll be posted this weekend.
> 
> Also thank you Kishi for helping me figure out the formatting :3c
> 
> Note edit: ?? Bruh idk what day it is October 2020 something  
> Hi! I completely forgot about this fic but I have not abandoned it, I’ll try to work on formatting the second chapter sometime soon haha


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